Can I get some peace and quiet around here?!?

Is your day a constant whirlwind of activities, responsibilities, and demands?  Do you yearn for a bit of peace and quiet during your day?  …just a little rest from the ever constant needs of your children and schedule?  Have you ever hears of others who’s children nap or have “quiet time” and think “That must be nice, but that’s just not possible in my home.”?  


If you can relate, you're not alone.  About three months ago, I was so overwhelmed with the demands of being a mama with young children, I knew me and the boys couldn’t continue life this way and something had to change.  


I stay at home with my two sons, ages 2 and 4 1/2, and like most toddlers and pre-schoolers they are packed full of energy all day long.  They have 2 speeds, fast and really fast.  This mama is not packed with that same energy, I don’t know a mama who is; the energy level of young children seems super-human.  


For me, the day begins very early and by mid-afternoon I run out of steam and my attitude can go downhill fast.  Our days were so out of control I knew I needed to find a way to establish some kind of quiet time/downtime during part of our day—a little peace and quiet to break up the constant action in our lively home.  


In Sally Clarkson’s new book The LifeGiving Home she has a chapter on the routines and rituals in our homes.  I began to ponder my own daily routines and discovered that once my children’s feet hit the floor in the morning it was non-stop.  Thankfully, my youngest son still naps, so he was getting rest and I was getting a bit of a break with only one child awake; but I never took a real break, I was constantly go, go, go.  And my oldest son Caleb was following my lead.  I was not leading wisely.


The weight of this daily non-stop routine became heavy and too much to handle, for both of us.  Being in a constant state of busy is exhausting and draining.  I realized that I was not setting a good example for Caleb and I knew a change was necessary.


Us moms have a lot of responsibilities and demands on our time.  There are always things that need to be done.  It is very easy to constantly be busy, and sadly, a daily routine of downtime or rest is counter cultural and can seem unattainable.  I have struggled a great deal with this, but I believe establishing a time of rest in our homes, outside of sleep, is essential to living with more joy and peace.  God does not want us to be constantly busy with no breaks or downtime.  God and Jesus took time to rest and we should follow their lead.  Establishing a daily routine of downtime in our lives is a way we can bless ourselves, bless our children, and glorify God.  


This is why I have established a daily routine of downtime in my home.  This small break of peace and quiet in our busy daily routine has reduced the craziness in our home, helps keep me centered, and gives me (the tired mama) much needed respite to recharge and be prepared for finishing out the day well.  I began experimenting with different strategies for creating this  routine of downtime.  It is a work in progress, but I have discovered several things so far that are working for me and my oldest boy and I want to share them with you today. 


I understand that each child and family is different and the following strategies may or may not work for you and your little ones.  I don’t like feeling overwhelmed, out of control, and crazy busy; and I don’t think you do either.  This why I strongly encourage you to consider implementing this daily routine into your home if you are not already.  


What I have listed below are simply suggestions to encourage and help you establish a routine of downtime in your home or recommit to it.  My hope is that you find something useful with this information.  No matter how old our children are, I believe they will benefit from us modeling this important daily routine.


Here are strategies I have found useful in establishing a daily routine of healthy downtime in my home.  I have provided not only the strategic idea, but practical things we have used within those strategies.  As I was writing this post, I also came up with other practical ideas I think are worth trying and included these below as well.


Commit & Be Consistent.

• Choose a time of the day you can be consistent with downtime and commit to it.  This means you will need to be protective of this time.  I guarantee once you chose a time there will be something that comes up and tries to derail your plans.  You will need to really assess if this something is worth forgoing what you are trying to establish.  I completely understand the need for flexibility when it comes to motherhood.  I am not saying we should toss being flexible out the window, but I am saying that it is easy to see something urgent as important and we can end up destroying our truly important goals by not being more protective about our time. 
• There are also seasons of our lives we must consider and our particular time for this new habit can change depending on the season.  It’s the establishment of downtime in our daily routines that matters.  If we want to create a new habit, the first thing we have to do is recognize our current habit isn’t working and make a commitment to establish a new habit.  Anyone who talks or writes about establishing habits will tell you that you can’t just do something once or twice and the habit will stick.  It takes persistence and consistency.  

Speak positively about your new routine, prepare everyone for “downtime”, and explain the expectations.    

• Modeling this new routine is the best way we can help our children understand the importance of downtime. Explaining this is something that is important.  Find books that tell stories about downtime, quiet time, or nap time.  Talk to your children about quiet time and what it means to have quiet time.  Explain why its important for you and for them.  Discuss how in the Bible we have examples of rest from both God and Jesus.
• It doesn’t matter what you call it either, what matters is that you do it.  Be creative, get your kiddos involved in giving this time a name, it is something to benefit everyone in your home.
• Set reasonable expectations for downtime.  For us, I expect “quiet voices”;, so he knows not to talk loudly or make a lot of noise during this time.  Feet must be “off the floor”, meaning he needs to be sitting or lying on his bed.  And he “does not leave his room” unless he has an urgent need (like a bathroom break)  Emergencies do not apply to these expectations.  He understands that if he has an emergency (such as he has hurt himself in his room or if he hears me yelling for him, the fire alarm goes off…aka ‘Real Emergency’ he is to leave his room immediately or call for help if he can’t.  I reiterate the expectations daily since Caleb is only 4.

Everyone should have full tummies & empty bladders

• When I first started our downtime routine Caleb would always come out of his room within the first 5 - 10 minutes either needing to go to the bathroom or complaining about being hungry.  Make sure your kiddos have eaten a meal recently or have a small little snack right beforehand: A few crackers spread with a nut butter and/or a piece of fruit (Bananas are great because they naturally help with resting/sleep).  Your child may still come out of their room needing to go to the bathroom or feeling hungry, but satisfying these needs beforehand will hopefully minimize their needs during downtime.

Spend quality, intentional time for at least 15 - 20 minutes with your child prior to downtime

• Find an activity that your children love to do with you that is not too stimulating!  You don’t want to get them all worked up and then say ‘Okay, time to quiet down and be still!’  Haha.  We all know that won’t work.  Choose something that promotes winding down.  I do not recommend a movie or tablet time.  Screen time works as a stimulant and will get there brains working overtime and it will be hard to get them to wind down quickly afterwards.  We love books in our home, so we typically use this time as another opportunity for story time.  Doing a puzzle, coloring, or going through flashcards are also good low-stimulation activities.  If you do daily baths, maybe giving the kids a bath before downtime would work well, unless of course you use baths to calm your children right before bed.  For us, the evenings seem to go so fast once Daddy gets home from work that bath time doesn’t usually fit into the evening routine; so bath time prior to our downtime has worked well for us too.   

Have a Reward for a job well done 

• It is hard for children to grasp the importance of something that isn’t tangible.  They don’t quite see the benefit of rest, so they need a little incentive.  As children mature, they will begin to see the true reward such rest offers them and they won’t need you to provide an  incentive.  We use all kinds of different things as incentives.  I am sure there are folks out there who will read this and immediate criticize me for “bribing” my children.  Bribery implies dishonesty or illegal actions.  Giving a child a reward for a job well done is nothing new and its not dishonest or illegal.  It is a positive reinforcement that is tangible so they can comprehend the concept.  Extending grace to our children is also important and it is something I work on and struggle with daily.  I have always been really hard on myself and I tend to drive a hard line when it comes to rules.  I do not always extend grace to myself and my children like I believe I should.  I want to clarify that when I say grace, I don’t mean letting my children get away with what ever they want.  Training a child takes a lot of patience and a great deal of time.  Your children are going to violate your downtime expectations, at least in the beginning, and it doesn’t make sense to completely forgo the downtime reward for one violation.  This downtime thing is about everyone in the home, including us mamas.  So if your child violates the expectations in the first 5 minutes and they automatically lose their reward, what do you do then?  For this, I have recently initiated a 3 strike system.  Caleb knows that if he gets 3 strikes or ‘X’s he won’t get his reward.  His average has been 1 strike, so it seems to be working well.

  
Have special age appropriate quiet toys or activities available and used only during downtime

• Of course in a perfect world, our children would take naps at all ages, but we know this isn’t the case.  If your kiddos are not inclined to actually sleep or lay on their bed doing nothing during downtime be prepared with things they can look at or play with that keep them on their bed and promote rest and less active interaction.  These things should only be brought out during downtime and maybe include one of their ‘favorite’ toys or books that they play with all the time. 
• For younger children older than 2, some suggestions are I-spy or other picture books, a few small toy cars that don’t make noise (like Hot Wheels), their Bible, a doodle pad and Pencil.  The doodle pad and pencil is iffy for us.  Some days I can just see the mischief in his eyes and know he shouldn’t be left alone with a pencil that day. 
• For older children this could be used as their devotional time if they don’t have a different time they do this.  If not used as a devotional time though, I would suggest, their journal, an audiobook, their favorite instrumental or other calming music, or a book they are reading for pleasure (I wouldn’t recommend turning this into an opportunity to do homework though). 
• Remember, downtime is not meant for work it is for rejuvenation and feeding our souls.  Spending time alone to be at rest and an opportunity to be quiet in the presence of The Lord will fill us and give us refreshment.  This time needs to look different than the rest of our day.  It is an important time and we should give it the respect it deserves. 

Start small and build up the amount of time if you need to

• When we first started downtime I had a really hard time getting my older son to stay in his room for any length of time.  Starting with a small amount of time and adding more time every few days/weeks helped my son build strength to stay in his room for longer amounts of time.  I started with 10 minutes and we are now at an hour.  I also speak words of encouragement to him about his downtime.  I tell him that he “is such a big boy” and that he “is so strong to stay in his room all by himself to rest and spend time with God”.  
• Setting a timer is also a great way to establish an ending point for downtime.  Children can have a hard time understanding the concept of time when they are really little.  But if you say, “I’m going to set the timer and when the timer goes off downtime is over and I will come get you out of your room”, this establishes an end point for them and helps them understand the concept of time.  My youngest son still naps so we don’t need the timer for him; but for Caleb the timer works well.  He still comes out of his room at least once almost every day, usually to use the bathroom, but getting him to go back to his room is not a battle like it was when we first started our new routine.  He knows what is expected of him.  I just have to remind him of the timer and his reward and he is usually quick to return to his bed.  If your children have a clock in their room, giving them the specific time they can come out might work really well too.  Caleb doesn’t have a clock in his room right now, but I think I am going to try this and see what happens.  

Be Flexible and Stay Strong

• It’s not always easy to establish new habits, especially with littles ones, and unfortunately it probably won’t magically happen overnight in your household.  If it does you are truly blessed and soak up every minute of rest!  But for most of us, it will take a good bit of work, but it will be worth it for everyone in the long run!  If you try a strategy several times and it’s just not working, tweak it, or stop completely and do something different.  This is your and your family’s downtime, find things that work for you.  I know you can do it!  So stay strong and be flexible.  
• There will be days that you will have to be away from your home during your designated downtime.  I wouldn’t forgo downtime that day all together though if you can help it. Just change your time for that day.  Or plan ahead and have your downtime in your car in between your errands.We have definitely had downtime in our car.  Or simply have your downtime once you have returned home.    The key is to maintain the routine, not necessarily what it looks like or where it is.  

It’s not just about the Kids

• This downtime is for you too moms.  I would recommend figuring out what short term activity replenishes your soul and do that during this downtime.  For me, I know that a power nap will do wonders, so I take a 10 - 15 minute nap right of the bat.  Check out my post  Afternoon Energy Boost about the power of a power nap.  In the beginning of establishing this new routine, 10 - 15 minutes uninterrupted time was all I got and occasionally this might be the case depending on children’s circumstances and needs for the day, but if a 10 - 15 minute power nap is all I get, for me it is the best use of my downtime because I am a much better mom and person in general when I am rested.  If naps and downtime for my children is going well and I get more than 10-15 minutes, I have a few things ready to go that I can dive right into, like devotional time, writing or editing something I am working on, a Bible or book study, yoga, a phone call scheduled with a dear friend I need to connect with, etc. 
• Whatever your activity options are, I recommend having them prepared ahead of time so that you can dive right in instead of spending time trying to figure out what you are going to do with your time.  Us Moms always have so much to get done it can be overwhelming to figure out what is the best use of your time.  I encourage you to use this brief respite for yourself.  I find that if I use the downtime to really focus on replenishing myself it helps me thrive in my day instead of just survive.  The laundry, the dishes and yes, the Facebook feed can wait…I would suggest leaving those activities for another time and do something that will really feed your soul.

Like I said at the beginning of this list, my hope is that these strategies will encourage you to establish or recommit yourself to a daily routine of downtime.  These strategies are working for us, but they may or may not work for you and your family.  What ever you do, don’t give up!  If you need to take a break from establishing your new habit and return later, that is fine.  Remember to give yourself and your children grace, but don’t give up completely.   Talk to your mom friends and ask if they have a downtime routine and if so, get some tips from them.  There are also lots of other people talking about this very topic online, so do some research and see what others suggest.    


I am always interested in hearing from you, so please let me know if you find any of these suggestions helpful or if you have other suggestions that are working for you and your family.  Also, if you find this post useful, I appreciate the gift of you sharing it with your friends.  God Bless you in your new downtime endeavor or recommitment.


Grace to you!