Ladies, I have an important question to ask you...
Are you giving your husband the gratitude and praise he desires and needs?
Our daily lives are so busy I think we often forget that a simple thank you or praise can go a long way. Before you start lecturing the screen about how you aren’t appreciated enough and questioning why in the world you should show him respect?!? Let me stop you right there...just hear me out.
I understand that us moms are going non-stop from the minute are feet hit the floor in the morning. And at the end of the day we feel like we gave our all and maybe didn’t receive any recognition. I want to challenge you. What if you started setting the example for appreciation and praise? I believe you just might find yourself being flooded with praise and appreciation before you even know it!
Men are wired differently than us women, but we all need to feel appreciated. Although they may not show it or make it well known, men desperately need praise too. They need to be reminded they are doing a good job and that their hard work is appreciated (whether they work outside the home or are Mr. Mom, they need to know that what they are doing matters). It is not always in our female nature to remember to say thank you “just because”. With our busy schedules it is easy to run day in and day out and unintentionally begin to take each other for granted.
Our world is very competitive and can be extremely stressful on a husband and father. Their self-esteem can be quite low and we don’t even know it until it’s too late. I can’t tell you how many people I meet who are dissatisfied with their jobs and don’t feel like their managers notice the hard work they do. This is especially prevalent with men. I have to tell you, there are a lot of people who are “managers” who shouldn’t be. These people are thrown into the position and they lack the necessary skills to really be a good leader for their team. Two of the necessary skills these poor managers lack is the skill of encouragement and gratitude. They fail to see the importance of giving recognition for a job well done.
This is where we come in, Ladies. We need to help fill that gap. If your hubby isn’t feeling appreciated at work and then he comes home and he doesn’t get any appreciation there either...what do you think that does to him mentality? Over time, I will tell you, this will crush his soul.
Us wives and mothers can also fall in to the trap of ‘nagging’. Whether we have been working outside the home all day or been taking care of the home and children (which is just as hard, if not harder), by the time our husbands get home we are exhausted too. Both husband and wife want to just get a little time alone to unwind, but when the kids are whining because they are hungry and the dog wants to be taken for a walk and the house looks like a bomb went off, it is easy to get overwhelmed and thus the nagging begins.
This is when we need to stop and take a deep breathe…get our minds back on to what is really important. And instead of nagging, start praising.
I encourage you to make a few small changes in your routine to give praise and thanks to your husband and I would bet you will see a change happen quickly.
My husband and I always give each other a kiss before he leaves for work. Even if we have been arguing, it is very important to us. When we say goodbye I also tell him that we (the kids and I) appreciate him working so hard for our family. I usually make his lunch because it is much cheaper and healthier for him to eat a homemade lunch than to buy out all the time. In his lunch, most days, I have started putting a little note with an inspirational scripture verse on it. I try to find scriptures about courage, strength, and/or wisdom. Scriptures to lift him up and provide encouragement. I will usually get a text from him right around lunch time thanking me for the note. Then when my hubby returns home from work, I try greet him happily with a hug and kiss and I tell him that we have missed him and again thank him for working so hard for our family.
After a long day with the kiddos, I have to tell you, it is my inclination to just unload on my hubby as soon as I see him. And when he gets home late, I am usually pretty grumpy. But, I have to remember attitudes are contagious. If I am grumpy and nag on him immediately when he walks through the door, he may be sympathetic at first, but as the night wears on, or if my negative attitude becomes a habit, he is going to react to those emotions and will be negative back towards me, which just fuels the fire.
Instead, strive for a positive and encouraging attitude. Have an "Attitude of Gratitude" as someone wise once said. I am not saying to be fake and act like everything is sunshine and lollipops if you have had a bad day, but make sure that everyday isn’t a bad day. Be critical of your emotions. Was your day really that horrible? Or is there something else going on that can be fixed pretty easily. I have found that often times when I get grumpy it is because I am either hungry, tired, or both! Make sure you are taking care of yourself and you will be able to then take care of others.
If you are continually having bad days, then you need to seriously address this. Pray for guidance and wisdom. Sit down with your spouse and maybe your doctor to see if they have any insight to what is going on. I have found that professional counseling has a lot of great benefits too. And I recently discovered I was extremely deficient in Vitamin D. Once I started taking a daily dose of Vitamin D, my overall mood seemed to improve.
There are things we can do at home on our own to help turn our attitudes around. It makes us feel good to give praise, but it also feels good to get praise. Ever since I have started being more intentional about saying thank you and giving encouragement to my husband I have noticed some changes in him too. I have definitely noticed he says thank you to me a lot more. It is really a great feeling to hear ‘Thanks for making a great dinner’ or ‘You deserve a break, let me take the kids for a bit’ or my fav ’Thanks for being a great Mom/Wife’.
I didn’t sit down and have a heart to heart with my husband about saying thank you. He didn’t come to me and tell me he wasn’t feeling appreciated. I just realized that I wasn’t being intentional about showing him the gratitude and praise he deserves. And by making a few small changes in my daily routine it has been extremely beneficial to the entire household.
Do you believe encouraging your husband is important? If you do...in what ways do you encourage your spouse? Let me know in the comments below.
Grace & Blessings!
Hi! My name is Mandy.
Thanks for visiting my blog! Being a mom in this modern age is a pretty difficult thing. So many expectations are imposed on us and it can be overwhelming and often discouraging.